It has been several weeks since my last post. Wow! Time flies when you are on vacation. I'm back, recharged and ready to go.
While on vacation, we took some long drives to Florida and Arkansas, which gave me a lot of time to think about a variety of things - most of which were fleeting lost on miles of country roads. But, I kept coming back to the idea of mentoring and how most people don't realize the real value that can be achieved through an effective mentoring relationship.
Why engage mentoring? The primary reason is for guidance and feedback. Mentoring gives you the opportunity to take a more active role in shaping your professional future. While companies may have training and development programs, they no longer help you manage your careers. Your career is your responsibility. Some companies may have mentoring programs, but these are often only formalized for the "tip-top" of the talent pool and are structured for succession planning, not for individual professional growth (that is truly your responsibility).
Based on my own success and failures (and observing other's success and failure), here are some simple rules I have put together for mentoring relationship:
Define your objectives. It is critically important that you can clearly articulate what you want to accomplish and develop an understanding of why you want/need a mentor. Look 3 year, 5 year, and longer objectives. A mentor relationship has a purpose, it is not just a time to get friendly advice over lunch.
Establish a time frame for the relationship. Mentoring is a holistic, strategic approach to improve your professional life. Therefore, you should plan on the relationship lasting from 18 months to 3 years. Don't expect on an open-ended relationship. This will likely scare away potential mentors because they will see it as too big a commitment. At the other end, anything less than 18 months makes it difficult for you to get guidance that will result in strategic improvements.
Identify a mentor. Start by finding someone you admire. Someone who will be helpful in achieving your goals. Someone you enjoy spending time with. Start with one person, then you can build to 2 to 4 mentors that can help you achieve your goals, as needed. Choosing someone in your own company is an easy place to start, but don't discount the value someone outside your company can provide. Look inside your network, in your professional associations, in your church, and in your community organizations. The mentor should be willing to give you guidance and feedback. A mentor is not your friend, he/she is your mentor. Important Note: Don't choose your boss. Your boss is your boss, not your mentor.
Formalize the relationship. Formally ask the person to be your mentor. This should be done in person not via email, although it is OK to send an email to schedule a meeting (be sure to mention that you want to discuss establishing a mentor relationship in the email). Schedule time and formally ask the person to be your mentor. Convey want to accomplish (high-level) and your target time frame for the relationship. Answer any questions and get a verbal acceptance. Then target a date for your first meeting. (Side note: If they decline, simply say "thank you" and move on. Don't work to "convince" or "sell" your potential mentor - this moves the relationship down the value scale from the beginning.)
At the first meeting, confirm the logistics and discuss your background. The more disciplined and prepared you are, the more comfortable the mentor will be and the more value the mentor will place on the relationship. An agenda is highly recommended to facilitate the conversation. For logistics be sure to discuss time and place of face-to-face meetings, interim phone calls and email, sacred time, etc. Prepare a background packet for your mentor including 1) your resume, 2) examples of work, 3) performance appraisals, 4) examples of the problems and challenges you face. Also, be proactive in discussing your personal life. Plan about 1.5 to 2 hours for this meeting. Combining it with a lunch or early morning over coffee is a good idea.
Operationalize the relationship. Regularly schedule face-to-face meetings. Quarterly meetings with periodic phone calls and emails seem to work best. Monthly meetings can be difficult to maintain and you will find that you or your mentor may begin pushing meetings off the calendar due to conflicts. Meetings that occur less often than quarterly do not allow you to develop the depth of relationship where your mentor can get good insight and provide sound counseling.
Stick with strategic topics. Your mentor relationship is a highly-valued, strategic relationship. Engage your mentor on the big topics where you need feedback and guidance for the long-haul. Do not diminish the value of your mentor by engaging tactical feedback (i.e. PowerPoint proofreading). Don't confuse strategic counseling with peer review or advice from a friend. If you mentor does not feel he/she is providing strategic value, then the relationship will fall down on the list of priorities and decay quickly.
Follow Up. Appropriate managed, your mentor will take an active interest in your progress. Be sure to follow up and let your mentor know a) what happened when you applied specific advice, 2) what else is going in your professional life, 3) what is going on in your personal life. Remember, your personal life has great impact on your professional life.
Be Ready for Feedback. You are engaging this relationship to get feedback and guidance. Take what the mentor gives you. Don't argue, defend or explain what you did. You engaged the mentor to learn from them. Listen, take notes, reflect, and change. Take the feedback and improve.
Write Thank You. Don't just tell them thank you, express it in writing. Spoken words are fleeting, but a written note can be kept and cherished over time. Take a few minutes to write a simple and specific thank you card and mail it (yes, the U.S. Postal Service, NOT email). A little old fashioned, but amazingly powerful.
Since your growth is your responsibility, you will need to take personal accountability to establish, maintain, grow, and end mentoring relationships. Unfortunately, most people don't understand how to do this. A person is not your mentor simply because you respect him/her and ask for advice periodically. A mentor is a person that provides strategic value to your career or your life. The relationship should be formalized and actively managed by you. Done right, it will be one of the most powerful and rewarding relationships in your professional life.